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Dad has mental health issues - 11/17/2008 4:53:17 PM
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deedeeowens
Posts: 89
Joined: 6/10/2008
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My husband has mental health issues that take its toll on the entire family. Professionals have estimated his emotional level of maturity to be approximately 12 years old. Yes he's medicated, and yes he sees a therapist and psychiatrist on a regular basis. I've learned how to live with him and continue a relationship with him as his wife, but my 15 year old has a very difficult time dealing with him. He doesn't know how to respond to conflict without sounding like an adolescent, so when they argue it sounds more like sibling rivelry. She knows that he sees a therapist and a psychiatrist, but she will still push his buttons and try to find the "father" in him. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Do I sit her down and say, "Look your father is mentally unstable. He's never going to be the way you need him to be, so knock it off"? Or do I stay out of it and let her find her own way of coping with him and accepting him?
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RE: Dad has mental health issues - 11/17/2008 5:24:28 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1081
Joined: 4/29/2005
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quote:
Do I sit her down and say, "Look your father is mentally unstable. He's never going to be the way you need him to be, so knock it off"? Or do I stay out of it and let her find her own way of coping with him and accepting him?
I'd go with that, first off. Really, is she 15, and you've never explained her father's condition to her? All this time has she really been going along thinking that he's normal and she must be a problem? That's not fair. You need to tell her the exact diagnosis, the technical details, the common symptoms and the symptoms-under-stress... etc. etc.
It would probably be best if you had a 'case conference' with her dad's professionals (and him & you) so that she can be brought up to speed as one of the near-adults in the house.
Then you need to be prepared for the unstable teen melodrama. You can expect to hear about how it's fundamentally unfair: she deserved a dad, and it's got to be someone's fault that she's got a basket case that will never love her instead. That's partially true, and it's a deep and real grief that she needs support through... but she'll be better off on the other side of it.
Some short-term counseling would probably help her cope best.
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