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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 7:52:59 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 9446
Joined: 3/21/2006
From: Crimson Tide Country
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Lioness your voice is the best weapon you have. The last thing someone like that wants is attention from everyone around. You tell the GirlChild qtman said to jump up and down kick and scream her heart out. That will bring the calvary.
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STRESS = The internal struggle created when the brain trys to over ride the heart's desire to tell off some jerk that really deserves to be told off.
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 8:15:38 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6040
Joined: 5/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Ever since Odeliya posted that her parents had taught her what to do, it's had me thinking. I was told never to let anyone do certain things but not what to do if someone tried it. So, obviously, if someone tried it and got away with it, I had let them do it. You better believe I had a heart to heart with GC the minute she got home! And what you posted about the letter just heartened me no end. I was raised not to make a scene or a stink, and in polite society that works fine, but under the circumstances we've been discussing I had to wrap my brain around the fact that it is absolutely OKAY to make a total and complete stinky scene.
Yay me!  Yay you, INDEED!!! 
I cannot tell you how proud I am of you for talking to GC! It encourages me to no end.
And you're absolutely right . . . we are taught to be polite and to not make scenes . . . and THAT is part of what perpetuates the shame, stigma, silence AND continuance of sexual abuse. It's time that all of us polite women start using our vocal cords . . . and using them as loudly and as firmly as the situation warrants!
YES! YES! YES! This is it exactly! We just don't talk about these things for various reasons. We keep the peace. We don't upset the family. All these rules that perpetuate the abuse. I remember coming home and everyone was glad that I did, but nobody asked me any questions, nobody sat me down to talk. When I finally did feel like talking, we had routine and, being one who doesn't like drama, I didn't want to upset the routine.
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<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 8:28:25 PM
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Odeliya
Posts: 2483
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bootsNspurs_mod
The world needs more men like you... The women in this world need more men like you... [/color]
seeing the business opportunity :
we ( den)can clone Qtman- create a lot of Qtmen - and then sell them to grateful customers at bachelorettes parties for a grand a piece.
Den will become a place of very rich women.
Human Cloning is not perfectly legal, but " no big money ever been made in an honest way";)) who said this? Rockefeller ?:)
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Proverbs XI:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 8:33:49 PM
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Odeliya
Posts: 2483
Joined: 8/10/2005
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quote:
I was raised not to make a scene or a stink, and in polite society that works fine, but under the circumstances we've been discussing I had to wrap my brain around the fact that it is absolutely OKAY to make a total and complete stinky scene.
Absolutely right, you are such a wise mother, Madam Lioness! "Polite society" seizes being such at the moment a crime ( any crime or violation) is being committed.
Your daughter should create a scene if someone touched her butt just as quicky as she would if someone tried to steal her purse - be in in church at a funeral, inauguration of the President, etc
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Proverbs XI:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 8:42:52 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6040
Joined: 5/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Grace-N-Mercy . . . yes closure is very important. And good for you for writing! I know you're a writer-at-heart, so whether you share with us what you've written or not, the actual writing of it is going to be very healing for you.
I'll tell you something . . .
When I was pregnant with Christopher, I finally realized how messed up my life was, and the direction I saw my life taking scared me tremendously.
That was the catalyst for me to at least look at things . . . and it came 18 years after the initial abuse started.
After Christopher was placed for adoption, I made a list of everything I didn't like about my life, and then made a list of everything that had hurt me. This was definitely Our Lord's Leading; I certainly didn't know there was a connection between the two.
I realized that the sexual abuse is what started everything. And that's when I started sexual abuse therapy.
Here's what I want to tell you, Grace-N-Mercy . . . during therapy, I was able to finally tell my dad what had happened. This was especially important because one of my babysitters was the step son of my dad's best friend.
My dad told me he would support me in any way I wanted to deal with the situation.
What I did was to write a letter to that particular babysitter telling him that I remembered exactly what he and his friend did to me when I was a little girl, and that he may have thought he got away with it, but he really didn't. I sent that letter certified mail, return-receipt requested. I also sent photocopies of that letter to every single person in his immediate family; his father, his step-mother, his siblings and his step-siblings. I even addressed that particular point in the original letter to him and told him the reason why I was doing so was so that everyone would know what he did and so that they could make their own decisions as to whether they wanted him around their little children.
My actions caused quite an uproar among the family and some were inclined not to believe me . . . until one of his step-sisters (about 4 years older than me) came forward and told everyone about when he molested her when she was a young teenager.
Writing and sending that letter to him was more empowering than I ever imagined it could be. That wasn't why I sent the letter, though; I sent it because of all the babies coming up in that family. I wanted to protect them. And, by Our Lord's Grace, I did. AND, by our Lord's Grace, again, my writing that letter destroyed the power that this person had held over me all those years.
I know this is some pretty heavy stuff.
I appreciate your reading it.
Lioness, thank you (retrospectively) for letting me use the Den for this post.
I hope I haven't worn out my welcome.
Thank you!! I had no idea how much I needed all of this, y'know? Your transparency has been such a blessing to me and I read every word that you and everyone else is pouring out! I am not much of a writer, but when it comes to heart-stuff, I do tend to write several pages at a time. It's very therapeutic.
One thing that worries me right now, Sharon-Marie, is that I won't do well in counseling. I don't make a very good client! I tried counseling on a number of different occasions, but was not impressed at all with the counselors. One was a catholic and told me that I would go to hell if I committed suicide. I was just telling her that I was hurting, I wasn't planning on hurting myself at all.  A few months ago I went to my church and did a few weeks, but the guy was brand new at counseling, and the counseling took a totally different direction than I anticipated or wanted, so it wasn't very helpful.
Lioness, I thank you too for your humble and gracious hosting of this topic. 
_____________________________
<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 8:49:35 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23538
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
Thank you!! I had no idea how much I needed all of this, y'know? Your transparency has been such a blessing to me and I read every word that you and everyone else is pouring out! I am not much of a writer, but when it comes to heart-stuff, I do tend to write several pages at a time. It's very therapeutic.
One thing that worries me right now, Sharon-Marie, is that I won't do well in counseling. I don't make a very good client! I tried counseling on a number of different occasions, but was not impressed at all with the counselors. One was a catholic and told me that I would go to hell if I committed suicide. I was just telling her that I was hurting, I wasn't planning on hurting myself at all. A few months ago I went to my church and did a few weeks, but the guy was brand new at counseling, and the counseling took a totally different direction than I anticipated or wanted, so it wasn't very helpful.
Lioness, I thank you too for your humble and gracious hosting of this topic.
Grace-N-Mercy . . . finding a good counselor can be a challenge sometimes.
I would encourage you, should you do decide to find a counsellor, to have a short interview session with prospective counsellors. Perhaps you can make a list of what you would like to work on in therapy and how you would like to achieve that. Then, that way, you can discuss that with any would-be counsellors and find out if they would be a good match for you.
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 8:49:44 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 9446
Joined: 3/21/2006
From: Crimson Tide Country
Status: offline
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This may not be the time but I want to go on record here saying there have been several good men posting in the den. Some of them still post here. Kerrlaw, Wintery, GroupW, Benelchi and Armydude come to mind right off. I may not always agree with them, you may not always agree with them but they are good men none-the-less. Each of them possess traits or have obtained levels in certain traits I wish I had. nuff said.
_____________________________
STRESS = The internal struggle created when the brain trys to over ride the heart's desire to tell off some jerk that really deserves to be told off.
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 8:53:40 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23538
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Qtman
This may not be the time but I want to go on record here saying there have been several good men posting in the den. Some of them still post here. Kerrlaw, Wintery, GroupW, Benelchi and Armydude come to mind right off. I may not always agree with them, you may not always agree with them but they are good men none-the-less. Each of them possess traits or have obtained levels in certain traits I wish I had. nuff said.
I agree!
The Den is definitely full of good Men.
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 8:56:18 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 9446
Joined: 3/21/2006
From: Crimson Tide Country
Status: offline
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GNM it is really none of my business and I can't say with the personal experience some of these ladies can but I would probably avoid the preacher/counselors. I have seen a few that were real good but most came across as holier than thou and actually did more harm than good. Shar-Mar step in and correct me if and when needed. I would suggest you start with a rape crisis center. Chances are you would be talking to a trained counselor who has either been through something similar or is specifically trained in this area. Like Shar-Mar said don't just pick one. Make a list and narrow it down to the "short list" and talk to everyone on that list. Then decide which one you connect with and can receive the most help. My friend at this time it is all about you not your assailant or your counselor. Just you. In the meantime you will be in my prayers. I can't help you but I Know A Man Who Can.
_____________________________
STRESS = The internal struggle created when the brain trys to over ride the heart's desire to tell off some jerk that really deserves to be told off.
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RE: The Lion's Den - 11/18/2008 9:02:28 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23538
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Qtman
GNM it is really none of my business and I can't say with the personal experience some of these ladies can but I would probably avoid the preacher/counselors. I have seen a few that were real good but most came across as holier than thou and actually did more harm than good. Shar-Mar step in and correct me if and when needed. I would suggest you start with a rape crisis center. Chances are you would be talking to a trained counselor who has either been through something similar or is specifically trained in this area. Like Shar-Mar said don't just pick one. Make a list and narrow it down to the "short list" and talk to everyone on that list. Then decide which one you connect with and can receive the most help. My friend at this time it is all about you not your assailant or your counselor. Just you. In the meantime you will be in my prayers. I can't help you but I Know A Man Who Can.
Re: the bold - very most definitely!
Sam, your suggestion of the Rape Crisis Center is excellent!
Clergy would probably be on the bottom of list of choices - simply because they're not trained to deal with sexual abuse
The same for counsellors who don't specialize in it.
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